I was reading an article on a magazine, and this lady mentioned being baffled by the fact that she had been married longer than she had lived before getting married.

I did my own calculations. I am 43 and I married at 21.  OMG!  I have officially been married for more than half my life.  Where did the time go?  Where did my life go.  Am I still me if I have been WE longer?

After the initial 5 minute panic attack, I settled back in my chair, laughing. You might feel like you loose yourself in marriage, motherhood, career, etc.  The truth is, every experience you live through makes you exactly who YOU are.

On closer inspection, I have been married for 22 years in December.  I have been me for 43 years. And I am happy with who I am.

Every word we use has a meaning.  It also has the meaning you give it.  One of the most interesting examples of this was the recent debate between Oprah and Jay-Z about the word niger (No, I do not know how to spell it and since I don’t use it, I don’t want to know).  Oprah explained that to her it was a demeaning work and many had paid in blood to get that word eliminated from our vernacular.  Jay-Z said that words can only have the power that you give them and if you take the power out of the word, it is meaningless.

Although I agree with Jay-Z’s point of view, I also believe that out of respect for the generations before his (including my mother), the word should not be used.  You see, I am a white puertorrican, my mother is considered black.  There were too many instances I remember of people asking me about the “situation”.  We have a different word for it, to me racism is racism and there is too much mix in all our bloods for anybody to feel superior to anyone else. 

This is an extreme example of he power of our words.  I have two words I use very carefully.  The first word is “but”.  When you use it, you are negating whatever you said first.  If you tell your kid “good job but you missed a spot”, you just gave your child the message tha their job was not good enough.  You concentrated on the flaw. Is that really the message you want to send?

The second word is “broke” as in we have no wealth.  There are days when I don’t have cash on hand.  Every time I explain that as “I’m broke”, I am giving my brain and the Universe the message that I have nothing.  That is not true.  I have a roof over my head, clothes, food on the table and a beautiful family.  There are many types of wealth and many ways to make money or barter for whatever we want.  There is always plenty if we stop concentrating on $$$ and focus on our blessings.

What are some examples of powerful words that you use in your life?  What impact do they have?

For those of you who have not seen the interview between these two, here is the segment where they discuss the “N-word”  Let’s watch.

Oprah and Jay Z discuss the \”N word\”

I purchased the cheapest printer I could find (it scans and copies to, for $65 I can’t complain).  I filled out a loan application, I advertised several pieces of furniture for sale, I deposited money in the bank. I know the mark is $225 to register the business and have all the required tax receipts ready.  I have to wait until the money is available, hopefully by next Monday.

Today, I have spent most of my day writing.  It serves two purposes:  it takes my thoughts out of my head and it keeps me from going insane for not being able to register the business. 

I have writen some interesting passages for the rest of the week, which I hope will generate some conversation.  In the meantime, I keep reading, and writing and staying away from frustration.  I am on the last week before I can officially say that my dream is becoming real.  I will not give up when I am so close to the first fruits of my labor. 

This week has been full of surprises and lessons.  The most important lesson I learned this week is that nothing is stopping me.  I am fully committed to making this happen.  The journey continues.

I always find Holiday movies about family reunions fascinating.  I did not understand making fun of the fact that people fight through the whole thing.  I could not understand why people fight like that.  You see, the thing those stories usually have in common is that the people involved always bring up stuff from the past or hate themselves because Santa did not bring a bicycle for Xmas and that is why now they have a failed marriage: it is always the same thing, they feel victimized.

I was in that road with them until a few years ago.  There came a time in life when I realized that my parents did not have a kid instruction manual, that they did the best they could, that I had siblings that had their own issues and that if I wanted to be happy, I had to accept that things might not be my fault, they are my responsibility.  You see, it is not what happens to you that might be a problem, it is your reaction to it that makes it a problem or an experience.  In the end, you are responsible for your reaction.

I attempted a family reunion of sorts for Thanksgiving.  Everybody that knows the people involved warned me that it was a bad idea, that it would end in tears.  I honestly thought that would not be the case. I am only responsible for my behavior and reactions.  And so, I cannot claim to understand what the other person is thinking. And sure enough, there was a big argument, and I spent Thanksgiving with my daughter, house empty.  For the first time in my life, I stood up to this person, and I did not shed one tear (which is usually the way it ends, I cry, I pray for forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong and I feel like crap for the rest of the evening).  I decided to stand up for myself, not be a doormat and if this person could not handle it, oh, well…such is life.

When people start their journey of self discovery, one of the first issues that arises is leaving behind those people that do not support you.  Many of us feel guilty, specially if the ones we leave behind are blood related.  It is sad that we tend to put every-one’s feelings first without consideration for our own.  Here is the thing: I am completely guilty of allowing this situation to happen.  That does not mean that anyone in my life is allowed to disrespect me.  I allowed this situation thinking that it would avoid arguments, and it made it worse. Next time I will stand my ground and if I don’t like an idea, I will not agree with it, no matter what.  Some times, if we want respect, we need to respect our own judgement enough to say no and I am guilty of not respecting my own principles enough to say so in the first place.  I do believe that everything works out for the best because I had a great Thanksgiving anyway.  Two people or twenty, the importance of the day is that you are alive and in good, positive company.  The last Thursday of every November means nothing if you cannot be thankful for your life every day.

As far as this person is concerned:  I will not apologize for telling you the truth to your face because I believe it is better to hear from blood than from somebody else.  When you have dealt with your own demons and stop blaming the world for all your troubles and start assuming responsibility for your part in you own life, I will be happy to speak to you again.  Until then, I will always love you, I choose not to dwell on small stuff and I hope everything is good for you in your life.

Ok, you caught me.  It is the Tuesday Update on a Wednesday.  I might suffer from the procrastination I fight so hard.  Or, I might have gotten a last minute opportunity and decided to include it on the update, which made it impossible for me to post on Tuesday.

Either way, here we go.  First, on Monday we had a meeting with the Small Business Development Center.  The process of registering the company was simplified to a few steps.  Now all I have to do is put the money on the right account so that I can have all the business expenses in that one for tax purposes later.  It will take me aprox.  $300 to start.  I have about $140.  So today I am getting a printer so that I can print all my documents as I go through the process and I will let you know how that goes.

In other news, I was approached to write an essay for a compilation of transformation stories.  The only catch is that I received the notification on Monday and I had to turn it in by late Tuesday or early Wednesday.  And so, after four failed attempts on Monday, last night,  I actually finished the essay and I am very proud of what I did. 

I feel like all this steps give me the motivation that I need to continue.  It seems like the goal of having my own business is well within my grasp.  I hope that as you see the steps I go through, you are motivated to continue on your journey as well.  Don’t give up.  I know I am having to much fun on this journey.  What are you waiting for?

we do our best; sometimes we have to do what’s required” Sir Winston Churchill.

There are no accidents in life. I know this for sure. I am clearing old messages from one of my e-mail accounts when I found this quote at exactly the right time.

I’ve been living in Florida now for over three months. I had a dream of coming back to the states and in the scale of how scary this idea was, I hit 20. In case you don’t know, it was also the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My parents live in Puerto Rico and it was painful to leave them behind. There comes a time when each one of us has to decide to do what is right for ourselves and follow our own dreams. My time is now.

Is this my best? Maybe. Am I doing what is required to get to where I want to go? After putting it off for many years, I can finally say that I am doing it. By this time next year, I hope to depend solely on on the income from my adventures. I better get to those requirements. Don’t procrastinate. Don’t do it tomorrow. DO IT NOW!!!

Beginnings, they are full of blessings…and headaches.  And that is what this is about.

For years I have been motivating and writing about women, specially, doing what is necessary to care for themselves, in order to care for others.  That includes, changing whatever no longer serves you.  In my case, working for someone else no longer serves me.  And so, I decided to put my money where my mouth is and start taking care of my dreams, aspirations and intentions first.  This is the only way I can serve others.  I decided to start my own business in order to make money with my own services and products, promoting other companies that I believe in, etc.

When  I moved to Florida,  I started doing my research.  I was very confused.  I signed up for a couple of business seminars with the County Library.  Both classes were held on Tuesdays.  That is why this post is called Tuesday Updates.  This is an opportunity for me to show, by example, how life leads you when you decide to follow your dreams.  No sugar coating.  Just the facts and my opinions of the facts.

Until now, I am overwhelmed.  The library has excellent business resources, and in class today, I met the gentleman that runs the SBDC at the local college. He taught us the basics of the business plan. For the first time in my life, I am not afraid of doing the Financials.  It is time.  I will keep you posted on the progress.

In the meantime, take stock. What dream do you want to start?  Get to it, NOW!

Last Monday we talked about the fears associated with procrastination.  The last fear mentioned was the fear of commitment. Today we go a little deeper.

For all of us procrastinators, there is a possibility we are afraid of commitment.  Why?  Because once you make a commitment (even if it is only in your head) to do something, you either do it or you feel like a failure.

The experts think that procrastinators feel safer if we do not commit.  But guess what?  If you never do anything, you are not going to progress.  In a sense, you are failing anyway.  And as we discussed in earlier posts, what is the big deal about failing?  Failing is how we learn. 

I ask you, if this is your reason behind procrastinating, commit to quit procrastinating and try something.   Feel the fear and do it anyway and then, tell me all about it.