The effect of news in your plans

On Saturday I found out that someone close to me is very ill. I am not talking cold or flu sickness. We are talking liver, kidney, maybe even cancer kind of ill. The kind of illness that you don’t know when or where it came from and whether you are going to be OK or not. Test results will determine final diagnosis. The worst part is that this person does not know that I know. Yes, I am a great actress, but it is draining to talk to someone, remain in a good mood and pretend nothing is going on.
The interesting thing is the effect of this information. I see people all the time, who make amazing improvements in their lives despite setbacks and troubles. I have to be honest here, I found out yesterday, by accident, and it was a bad day, to say the least. It stopped me in my tracks. It’s not like I have not lost people before: my two brothers, my best friend, cousins, uncles, aunts… I’m just tired of loosing people. People think that I am a strong person because when it really matters, I am a rock. I tend to look like nothing is going to hurt me and I can play it cool and be strong for my friends and family. But you know, it is hard to pretend. It is draining, and this time, I don’t think I can handle it. I am however, willing to try.
Tomorrow I start another phase of my exercise routine. I am adding a 20 minute intensive workout divided by certain body parts tomorrow. Mondays is for glutes. Tuesday is for arms. Wednesday is for abdominals. Thursday is for legs and Fridays is for Back and Chest. Wish me luck since this is on top of the other workouts.
Keep trying.

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