Motivate Yourself and Forget the Rest

I always find Holiday movies about family reunions fascinating.  I did not understand making fun of the fact that people fight through the whole thing.  I could not understand why people fight like that.  You see, the thing those stories usually have in common is that the people involved always bring up stuff from the past or hate themselves because Santa did not bring a bicycle for Xmas and that is why now they have a failed marriage: it is always the same thing, they feel victimized.

I was in that road with them until a few years ago.  There came a time in life when I realized that my parents did not have a kid instruction manual, that they did the best they could, that I had siblings that had their own issues and that if I wanted to be happy, I had to accept that things might not be my fault, they are my responsibility.  You see, it is not what happens to you that might be a problem, it is your reaction to it that makes it a problem or an experience.  In the end, you are responsible for your reaction.

I attempted a family reunion of sorts for Thanksgiving.  Everybody that knows the people involved warned me that it was a bad idea, that it would end in tears.  I honestly thought that would not be the case. I am only responsible for my behavior and reactions.  And so, I cannot claim to understand what the other person is thinking. And sure enough, there was a big argument, and I spent Thanksgiving with my daughter, house empty.  For the first time in my life, I stood up to this person, and I did not shed one tear (which is usually the way it ends, I cry, I pray for forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong and I feel like crap for the rest of the evening).  I decided to stand up for myself, not be a doormat and if this person could not handle it, oh, well…such is life.

When people start their journey of self discovery, one of the first issues that arises is leaving behind those people that do not support you.  Many of us feel guilty, specially if the ones we leave behind are blood related.  It is sad that we tend to put every-one’s feelings first without consideration for our own.  Here is the thing: I am completely guilty of allowing this situation to happen.  That does not mean that anyone in my life is allowed to disrespect me.  I allowed this situation thinking that it would avoid arguments, and it made it worse. Next time I will stand my ground and if I don’t like an idea, I will not agree with it, no matter what.  Some times, if we want respect, we need to respect our own judgement enough to say no and I am guilty of not respecting my own principles enough to say so in the first place.  I do believe that everything works out for the best because I had a great Thanksgiving anyway.  Two people or twenty, the importance of the day is that you are alive and in good, positive company.  The last Thursday of every November means nothing if you cannot be thankful for your life every day.

As far as this person is concerned:  I will not apologize for telling you the truth to your face because I believe it is better to hear from blood than from somebody else.  When you have dealt with your own demons and stop blaming the world for all your troubles and start assuming responsibility for your part in you own life, I will be happy to speak to you again.  Until then, I will always love you, I choose not to dwell on small stuff and I hope everything is good for you in your life.

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